Adventures in Breadmaking

I have been a gluten free girlie for probably 15 years now, and I have been CRAVING bread in a really intense way lately.  Like, I will fully fantasize about a soft pretzel or a French loaf. 

Sooooo... I bought a bread machine.  It is a Neretva brand, which was one that offered a decent price and a gluten free setting.  

First loaf was kind of a dud.  I based it on the recipe in the booklet that came with the machine.  But then I got paranoid and added more water.  Then I got more paranoid and added more flour.  In the end I wound up with a loaf that was somehow gummy AND concrete at the same time.  I ate one slice when it was still hot.  But it tasted... kind of like nothing.  I've had worse gluten free bread, to be honest.  I also think the yeast I was using was too old, so I pitched that.

Second loaf was off to a good start but I forgot to put the paddle in.  So after waiting a couple of hours I looked in the bread maker and the top was just... a pile of flour.  And the bottom was cooked eggs.  So that went straight in the trash.  

Then I had to wait for a grocery delivery. 

So now the third loaf and I are having a come-to-Jesus.  I bloomed the yeast before starting it, which apparently you aren't supposed to do with gluten free recipes.  So then it over-rose a bit, which means that it may have overflowed the machine during the baking cycle if I let it go.  So I had to pull it out of the machine and toss it in a couple of pyrex pans to bake in the oven.  (I am writing this post as I go through this loaf's evolution.)

I am so determined to get this right.  Or at least edible.  

I am hoping that at least these loaves (since there are now two) taste good.   Adding to the confusion is the fact that gluten free flour doesn't brown like normal flour.  So color cues are pretty useless for figuring out if it is done or not.  Look at this.  Would you call this done?  Me neither, visually.   But it is firm and the knife comes out clean so I guess we pull it out!

Boy.  That's ugly.  

It is yeast, water, flour, steel cut oats, bourbon vanilla extract, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, sugar, salt, eggs, raisins and oil.  If it tastes good, then I have to wrap it up really well, freezing anything that I don't plan on eating in a day or so.  If it tastes like crap, I won't bother.  

Okay, time for the moment of truth.  A slice, a bite, and...  *drumroll*

Hmm.  

Still a bit of the gummy effect.  I imagine that means it is a tad undercooked?  Still fairly flavorless, except for the raisins.  I think I need to add a TON more flavor to overcome the flour's absolute lack of taste.  

Well I think we might be able to call this progress.  Maybe.  But only in the most incremental sense.  I think my next attempt will include metric tons of garlic and see if I can get a decent accompaniment to a bowl of meatballs.  

Lipedema: an awareness post

Content warning: Talk of weight loss.  Also this post contains a graphic image of fat tissue, I believe taken during a surgery.  

Note:  Lipedema is called Lipoedema in Europe.  The name is often confused with hyperlipidemia (which is a cholesterol thing) or lymphedema.  Interestingly, if left untreated, lipedema (a fat disorder) can lead to lymphedema (a fluid disorder).  The combination is sometimes called lipolymphedema. 

This is my 40 pound weight loss with lipedema. 

This is from is Jan 2021 at 215lbs. 



These are from Jan 2025 at about 175lbs.


As you can see, not a lot about my legs has changed. That is because I have lipedema. Lipedema is a genetic disease of the fat tissue, and as such can be considered a loose connective tissue disease.

It is primarily found in the legs, but sometimes in the butt, arms and abdomen. Rarely in the chin/neck area. I am affected in the legs, butt, and arms, which makes me a type 3/4. 

Fun fact: lipedema fat is more buoyant than regular fat, so I always need extra weights when scuba diving. 

You do not have to be overweight or unfit to have lipedema. My legs were this general shape when I was a 110 pound teenager, incredibly fit from doing drum corps. My legs were still this general shape when I was 25 years old, 130 pounds, and working out daily in the military. 

The pain can kick in at any point. It is often triggered by hormonal changes like puberty, pregnancy, peri/menopause. I was fairly pain free until my 40s.
Managing your weight can help but I know people who have pain free lipedema at a size 24 and people who are in incredible amounts of pain at a size 6. Pain and size don’t always correlate. 

Men can have lipedema but it is less common to have issues because testosterone reduces the stretchiness of connective tissues. Some people transitioning female to male have had a significant reduction in lipedema pain after going on testosterone. (At one point I was in so much pain that I considered testosterone. “Babe, would you still love me if my voice was deeper than yours? " ) 

Lipedema makes your fat turn fibrous. Fibrous fat cannot be lost/shrunk like healthy fat. The fibrous fat is often painful, often inflamed, and interferes with circulation of lymph fluid. 

It also is associated with a higher rate of knee replacements, due to the fat band that can overhang the knee and cause a lot of strain. Obviously this all impacts mobility. 

Some people actually get eating disorders from trying to lose their “lippy fat”, often when they don’t have a diagnosis and think their body is their personal failure. This is why awareness matters. 

The ONLY way for fibrotic fat to exit the body is by specialized lymph sparing liposuction … that insurance hates to cover. 

Some people can’t even get approved for surgery because of BMI limits, when having lipedema obviously skews that number. 

There are maybe a dozen US surgeons who specialize in this, so they can charge whatever they want. The Florida surgeon I would like charges over 30k per surgery.
Each surgeon or surgical facility also has a limit for how much they are willing to remove in one surgery. 

I know people who have had up to six lipedema removal surgeries.

A lot of people then need skin reduction surgery after recovering from the lipedema removal surgery. 

Many people go to Germany, Spain, or Greece for more affordable/experienced care, and for surgeons who will accept higher BMI, or take out a higher volume in each surgery. 

Some people experience regrowth after even multiple surgeries. That said, the overall statistics for the surgical solution reflects good stability over many years. 

Personally, I don’t even want to have surgery. As much as I wish I had prettier ankles and pain free legs, as much as I would like to fit into regular or wide calf boots instead of extra wide calf boots…. /wistful daydreaming

I personally find surgery terrifying and unrealistically expensive and the recovery period is about a year after each surgery. 

But non surgical interventions are not keeping me anywhere near pain free, either. I am hoping that some miracle pain relief will pop up soon. 

Conservative (non surgical) management measures include vibration, manual lymph drainage massage, wearing compression, mechanized sequential compression pumps (mine cost 8k), dry brushing, supplements, an anti inflammatory diet. 

Funny enough, with all the things I have going on with my body, every single med I take is at least in part about managing my legs:

• naltrexone (inflammation, also helps with other connective tissue pain)

• nattokinase (improves circulation, thins blood a bit)

• serrapeptase (breaks down inflammatory products)

• cetirizine (reduce mast cell reactions/inflammation)

• guiafenesin (thins lymph fluid so it can travel thru compromised routes)

• semaglutide (weight loss/diabetes/anti inflammatory)

• ritalin (regulates dopamine - which moderates pain)

Even with all of that, I am still in pain on a daily basis. If I run out of or miss a dose of anything, it ramps up really quickly. My spouse rubs my legs for hours every week just so I can get enough relief to fall asleep. 

My type (how it is distributed on the body) is not the only type out there - some folks with lipedema actually have ankles but then their issues kick in at or above the knee. Some telltale signs are when there is cuffing at the ankle, knee, or elbow, or when the limbs are chubby but the hands/feet look like they belong to a much thinner person.

I consider myself pretty lucky that I can disguise most of my issues through wardrobe choice. I have friends who have no way to conceal where they are misshapen due to the diseased fat.  

It is one thing to say oh we should all be body positive, etc. But in real life, we all know that large or oddly shaped people will face bias in daily life, including at job interviews. It is a struggle that impacts people’s ability to provide for themselves and their families. 

So if you have cankles, or maybe weirdly disproportionate saddlebags, or even just what you think of as a lot of “cellulite”, check out lipedema.org

And if you don’t, maybe be kind to those who do, and see if they have even heard of lipedema. You might lead them down a path that will result in them experiencing less pain.

The “Walmart Wirkin” Debate: Dupes, Fakes, and Status

TikTok has been buzzing about a so-called “Walmart Birkin,” sparking debates ranging from ethics to aesthetics. It's even spilled over into "real" news outlets.   But before diving in, let’s clear up a couple of basic concepts:

Walmart isn’t selling this bag directly. It’s being listed by a third-party seller—Walmart.com and the app are running a marketplace, much like Amazon.

Dupes and fakes aren’t the same thing. Fakes slap a logo on and pretend to be the real deal. Dupes, on the other hand, copy the design but don’t pretend to be from the original brand. This so-called “Wirkin” falls firmly in the dupe category.

Now, let’s talk about the Birkin bag itself, because not all bags are created equal. The Birkin isn’t just another tote. Its functional design elements—shape, structure, and details—are legally protected. Hermes, the French luxury brand behind the Birkin, fiercely defends its intellectual property. Even if a dupe doesn’t have a logo, it can still cross into murky legal territory if it looks too much like the original.

This legal wrangling isn’t new. Hermes has been in plenty of lawsuits over the years, and it’s all part of maintaining the exclusivity that makes a Birkin... well, a Birkin. You can’t just waltz into a store, flash your credit card, and walk out with one. You need to prove your worth by spending big on other Hermes products first. Even then, you might not get the exact bag you want. This kind of scarcity isn’t accidental—it’s honestly marketing genius, to look wildly rich people in the eye and say "sorry, that doesn't make you good enough for our product". 

But what about the artisans crafting these bags? According to Glassdoor, they earn around €1,700 a month. With each Birkin taking about 18 hours to make, the production cost is estimated at $800. Yet the starting price for even a “basic” Birkin is over $8,500, with some versions hitting six figures. That gap between cost and price? Pure branding... and pure corporate profit. 

Here’s the twist: while Hermes is upcharging by a minimum of 1,000%, they’re not necessarily outclassing their competition in quality. Many luxury brands use the same factories and labor forces as their affordable counterparts. So, what are you paying for? The logo, the exclusivity, the flex.

That’s why the “Walmart Wirkin” has taken off—it’s not just a bag; it’s a middle finger to all that. It’s the internet’s way of saying, “You can keep your elitist game; we’ll take the meme-worthy version for $80.”

Of course, this debate isn’t just about bags. It’s about how we spend, what we value, and why we’re drawn to certain items in the first place.  As for me, I’m all about variety. Some days, I’ll carry a quirky handmade bag from a local leatherworker. Other days, it’s Coach or Dooney & Bourke—brands that offer quality without the insane markup. And sure, I might throw in a “Wirkin” just for fun, because life’s too short to take handbags too seriously.

Here's my personal logic on the issue: 

1) I don’t baby my stuff, so it doesn’t make sense for me to spend thousands on a handbag that’s going to take a beating. 

2) Sometimes, I’ll buy a cheaper version of something just to test-drive the vibe before committing to the “real” version. Case in point: I’m currently carrying a $26 pleather dupe of a $400 Marc Jacobs tote.

3) Sometimes the fake fancy is cheaper than the authentic generic.   My favorite glasses right now? Prada-branded frames with my progressive prescription, shipped from China for $110.  Fake as fuck.  But that’s less than what I’d pay for no-name frames locally, even using my optical insurance! Am I going to feel guilty about saving money while looking fabulous? Nope.

What’s fascinating about the “Wirkin” phenomenon is how it might change things. Will seeing knockoffs everywhere devalue the real Birkin? Will celebrities stop carrying them because they’ve become too common? Only time will tell.

What is winning?

I have a few outfits saved under the “winning” tag. It seems like vests are a theme there so I dug out a vest for today’s doctor appointment.

Do I look a million years older than I did in the inspo posts? Yes, yes indeed

Reflecting and redirecting

Since I came back to the blog, I have been going through and looking at a lot of old posts.  It is funny to see posts from over a decade ago, and view them through a different lens. 

As I dip into the past, I'm delisting some posts about family drama over the years.  Laughing at some of my outfits over the years.  Nodding at some beliefs I still hold, and shaking my head at the ones I've moved past.  Wincing about a few dreams and goals that never came to fruition. 

This AI pic is poor quality, but the concept feels about right. 

I think that is why I came back, and why I see a few efforts to come back throughout the years.  It is the continuity of having your train of thought in one place where you can review it.  Where you can see how who you were became who you are.  I often feel like who I am is so fixed, but it is actually really malleable.  

It is also funny to see little things like the first song I wrote, or the fact that I've had my same snow boots for 13 years now. (Shout out to Sorel.)

Resolutions, Habits, Routine, Discipline?

Listen, I am almost 49 and no one has ever in my life called me "a person with discipline". However, I've found some ways to get myself closer to being the person I'd like to be at this stage. 

As my health improves, I am able to put more habits and routine into place to support the life I want to live.  This is what I am doing at the moment: 

• DuoLingo (Spanish)
• Blogging
• 100% medication compliance
• Tidiness - let me tell you I am a whole different person in regards to this than I used to be, and I couldn't be happier about it
• Chatting with long distance bestie pretty much daily
• Staying on top of my part time remote job
• Staying on top of my self employment

These are things I would like to add: 

• Exercise (after I recover from minor hip surgery)
• Flossing more
• Engaging more with local friends face-to-face
• Tending to some other long distance friendships that I have been neglecting
• Taking myself for solo dates
• Spending quality time with each grandkid (I have 3 1/2 now)
• Being more fiscally responsible
• Starting a garden
• Learning the piano and bass
• Getting out of the house more

I only set silly New Year's resolutions.  This year it is to be able to solve a Rubik's cube.  So far I am at 2 layers memorized.  The top layer has a few steps so I think it will take me till the end of January to master it.  

When I look at the lists, I search for common themes.  This is what I see: 

• Take care of my body
• Take care of my relationships
• Stimulate my mind (employment & interests)

So instead of making each of the initial items into a to-do list, which would eventually feel onerous, I think I am just going to ask myself each day... 

• Did I do the things to take care of my body today?
• Did I take care of my relationships today? 
• Did I take care of my business today?
• How did I stimulate my mind today? 

This seems less overwhelming and more flexible. 

I ran all of the above through ChatGPT and asked it if I am missing any themes.  This is what it suggested: 

You hint at the importance of enjoying life outside of responsibilities and tasks, which can be a subtle but important theme in your post.

You have a well-rounded perspective, but adding a more explicit focus on self-compassion might also enrich the post, highlighting the balance between striving for growth and giving yourself grace during moments of imperfection.

Noted!!  

I do want to avoid putting too much pressure on myself, as my health is still inconsistent and it is easy to make yourself feel like you're failing at, well, just about everything.  Oh hey, that sounds like self-compassion to me!! Look at me, crushing goals already! 

Giftmas

Happy Giftmas!!  My husband is currently starting the final load of dishes after our family Giftmas.  What is Giftmas?  I'm glad you asked, I'd love to tell you. 

Regular readers will remember that I had a very contentious divorce and co-parenting situation with my first husband. At some point about 25 years ago, it just became logical to say "why am I so committed to the specific date of Dec 25 when it literally doesn't matter?"  

So on Dec 25, hubby #2 and I didn't do much except have a nice (but normal sized) dinner, and watch my favorite musicals all day.  (Some years we travel - last year we were in DC.)  

On a different day, a week or so after Christmas, we have GIFTMAS.  

• The people who still have custody stuff going on can have their kids with way less conflict. 
• The people with competitive work-time-off situations can get the day off more easily.
• The people who live across the country can fly home without paying peak holiday rates.  

Except for one young adult, every single member of my family was able to be here, plus my "bonus kids" - high school friends of my daughter's and their little ones.  I think we wound up with 25 people overall, with 6 families plus my dad.

This year, we had a special treat - my daughter's gender reveal for their first baby!  It's a boy!  

Generally speaking, we all only buy gifts for kids and senior citizens.  We have a cook-off event - this year was macaroni and cheese, last year was chili.  The top 2 or 3 people get prizes!  Then we all open gifts in chaos mode, eat dessert, and BS/watch football until we get tired of the noise and head home.  Then hubby and I team up and reset the house, which is actually one of my favorite bits.  I love how we work together to create peace. 

There was a moment today where my husband, who grew up in a raucous large family with a million cousins falling over each other like a box of puppies, just looked at me and said "this is what I wanted".  Family with full bellies, joking around with each other, while the kids ran in literal circles around the house and babies were passed from knee to knee.  

Clothing purge!

I recently found a new local group of friends that I am very excited to be a part of. One of the events they do is a periodic clothing swap. Bring what you don’t need, take what you like, and the remainders get donated. This was great motivation for me to edit my wardrobe.

This time I filled 5 boxes with things from my hangers. I will tackle shelves, bins, and miscellaneous another time.

Since I have lost weight over 2024 (I am on semaglutide), it was definitely time for a hard cull. I am currently a 12 and L/XL depending on the cut. Due to having Lipedema, my arms and legs are not really proportionate to my body.

My guidelines:

1. if it is an xl / 14 or higher I have to try it on to see how it looks.
2. if I am not willing to try it on to save it from the cull, off it goes
3. items shouldn’t need a ton of accessorizing to work/feel good
4. items shouldn’t need tailoring to work/feel good (I cheated and kept one dress that needs hemming)

I actually wound up getting rid of a couple of items that I love, but just don’t fit anymore. One dress in particular I plan on reordering immediately, two sizes down.

I hope to make this a regular part of my routine, moving forward. I plan to put a box in my closet to toss things into as I go, so hopefully next time it won’t feel so effortful. I will just close the box and take it away.

How often do you purge your closet?

I have found my favorite press on nails!!

In 2024 I prioritized getting my nails done as an act of self care. …And then the salons destroyed my nail plates. Which kind of defeats the concept of it being self **care**, doesn’t it? Care can’t be destructive, they are opposite energies

I experimented with dip, builder gel, acrylic, gel-x, and a partridge in a pear tree. The conclusion I came to was that for this stage - the cutting them short as they grow - full coverage glued on nails are the best and least damaging choice.

Then the journey shifted to the best nails and glue to buy. I will spare you the boondoggles and cut to the chase.

Nails: BTArtbox

Glue: Curv Life Semi Solid

This brand of nails has a lot of sizes included in each box, which helps me a lot because 6 of my nail beds are roughly the same size. In other brands I had to buy two boxes to complete one set. They are also pretty sturdy, without being thick at the edges.

I like this brand of glue I because it isn’t UV cured. Watch the application video on the Amazon listing page and do it that way, with proper nail prep. I find my nails stay firmly attached for 2-3 weeks. Their glue remover is also super effective.

I am saving a ton of money and healing my natural nails and looking cute. Win/win/win.

Book Club: Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

Somehow I have found myself in charge of a local book club.  We will have our first meeting soon.  Our first book is Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah. 

I have found that book annotation (writing in the margins, underlining etc) really helps keep my attention on the book.  Growing up, that would have been a sacrilegious act, but honestly a book is only $15 these days and I am using erasable Frixion pens so whatever.   

My synopsis of the book so far (at 2/3) complete: 

Two sisters have a loving father and an absolute icebox of a mother.  She is so removed from them that they don't even know her birthday.  When they grow up, this manifests in the older sister with her taking responsibility for everyone and everything around her.  In the younger, it results in her running away as fast and and as far as she can manage.  They both struggle in their romantic relationships, neither wanting to be vulnerable with the men they love.  

Dad dies, and the girls are trying to work through taking care of their grieving, still distant mother.  They are trying to connect with her, to understand her.  But the mom is so emotionally crippled that the only way she can communicate with them is through telling them what she calls an old Russian folk tale.  

... but is it a folk tale? Or is it her story? 

I have cried several times so far reading this book, mostly at the relationship struggles of the older sister. It really hit home, and I found myself yelling at the character JUST SAY IT.  JUST TELL HIM.  

I may come back and update this when I finish the book.  It is really engaging, and as someone who has been struggling to rebuild a reading habit, I really recommend this book!