So I finally gave up and grabbed a do it yourself package on Ebay. It came pretty quickly, and included the UV lamp, top coat and base coat, and two colors. I went with a very sheer pink and a clear with a bit of glitter in it. I figure with an unsteady hand, neutrals are good.
I had to insert the bulbs into the lamp. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that I would need to, but I was very nervous about breaking them. It was fine though, just a little wiggle and click. Then I painted base coat, color 1, color 2, and top coat, with a couple of light sessions after each layer. Probably overkill, but whatever.
At the end it still felt sticky so I panicked a little and googled it. Silly me didn't bother reading the directions. At the end there is a sticky film left, and you just wipe it with a little bit of alcohol or nail polish remover. Presto change-o, and no nail damage. Feelin' pretty spiffy right about now, I'm not gonna lie. You probably wouldn't be impressed, as it's really just a shiny effect with no color.
Next I will order a couple of actual colors and see if I can manage that all right. They're 15 bucks a bottle on Ebay... so not much more than buying a nice brand of nail polish at regular price. I still will do my toes with regular polish unless I need to match for some reason. I'll also be buying the little gloves that protect your hands from the UV rays. Not courting cancer.