More of the same.

I'm reading When Parents Hurt., one chapter a night, that's devoted to people in situations like mine.   That, counseling, exercise, and medication, are (hopefully) helping me work through this in a more reasonable manner than I was.  Which was, at various moments, extremely ugly.  Do you know how tiring it is to cry every day for two months?  It's exhausting. And gives you bags under your eyes. I've also reached out to a pastor at my daughter's church, so we'll see how that goes.

Since it is now May, the topic has changed to my child's graduation, which takes place in 4 weeks.  It is the sole remaining "landmark" event (other than an eventual wedding and grandkids) that is a hurdle in terms of not really being a negotiable event.

My conclusions thus far:

• Although some moments I'd rather stay in bed, I will attend.  This is made easier due to the fact that there's no limited seating and no ticket requirement.  They hold the ceremony in a huge arena and there's ample seating. 
• My husband, stepdaughter, best friend, and my mom will sit with me and act as my posse.
• I will be fine.  I will.   
• Or, if not, maybe I should be looking for a seat near a bathroom in case I need to excuse myself.
• I will bring a gift and flowers.  I will probably have my stepdaughter give them to her, as I am not sure if she will want to make actual contact with me or if I will be calm enough to make actual contact with her.
• I will avoid contact with her father and stepmother.  My posse will help me with this.
• I will congratulate those of her classmates with whom I have relationships.
• I will be proud of my child for graduating, optimistic for her future, and content with the fact that everything I did for her, I did with good intentions and that now it's up to her to choose her life.
• Afterwards, my posse and I will go to dinner and move on with our own lives.

So, what will I wear?  I ordered this dress from Chadwicks.  Hope it looks nice. I was quite thrilled at the price.  Since it has a girdle type thing I got a size up so I don't feel like a sausage.