Sunday, January 20, 2013

what's really important to you?

If you made a list of what's the most important to you, what would it look like?  I did this exercise with my psychologist the other year and it was very useful.

We all make linear lists, but this was easier for my non-linear mind, and he really liked the analogy....

What's the center of your solar system?  If you are an emotionally healthy person, the answer should be YOU!  You are the center of your system.  Then what is closest to you?  For me, that would be my husband.  He's my Mercury.  (And my Kryptonite - swoon!)  But the planets don't have to be a person.  They can be a feeling you need or desire.

I find that I'm often trying to arrange my system around the things I'm good at.  And, not to sound vain, but I'm good at a lot of stuff.  Most things either come easy to me or they don't come at all.  What I'm not good at is arranging my system around things that have VALUE to me.  These things may or may not be easy!!

My current ideas of my "planets", in no particular order...  staying busy/engaged, feeling like I have the things I need and want, not feeling trapped in any way, feeling as though my efforts are appreciated and reciprocated, social engagement, creativity, feeling as though I have influence with others and control over my own situation.

I'm also working on how I perceive the things that don't fit into my system.  For example, the opinions of people I don't know and/or respect.  Those I'm choosing to view as "space junk", or something that's part of another system and has nothing to do with mine, or - if it's malicious towards me - the mysterious anti-matter.

I've made some significant changes in my life over the past year or so, based on this model.  It's working out well for me.  I truly feel like my life is moving in a direction that is positive for me.

One of the next big steps will be leaving my job.  I am pretty sure I have another position lined up, but I have to work out the details.  Still, it feels a bit like saying to Pluto, "listen, you were part of this system before, and you wandered nearer and further from a central position, but the decision has finally come down.... and you're out."

Are you good at prioritizing?  At categorizing what is and is not healthy for you?  At making a huge change like leaving a job?  Any tips?   It's coming... and soon.


  1. The model I use is so similar to yours- it's an atom. Where the electrons spin around the centre, me. I also put my husband next, then kids- nothing better than surrounding yourself with love! As for those big life changing decisions :I always ask myself "What would my 85 year old self tell me to do" ?

  2. I love that! :)

    I also like to ask my teenager what to do. Things seem so simple at that age. I ask her advice, outlining my current job and my potential job, and she's like "um, no, you should totally stay at your current job where you work all the time and earn less. Idiot."

    I love that sarcastic clarity!

  3. Your daughter is pretty awesome.

  4. She has her moments! :) Most of the time she's pretty fun and awesome. Occasionally she's a horrible human being. Like most of us.

    Parenting someone who is almost 18 is a tricky thing. It involves so much distancing and almost hitting "reset" on your relationship. It's a whole nother ball of wax.


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